Cool, Not Cold Beans.

Just your typical Hen Party!

2009-05-05T11:18:00.003+01:00

So, I've just returned from the lovely town of Benalmadena, otherwise know as the Blackpool of the Costa Del Sol. Beloved of British Stag and Hen do's, and guaranteed to be full of British pubs, serving British food and showing British football.

Now, I had never been to Benalmadena before, preferring city break type trips. I like wandering around museums and art galleries and going for a nice glass of wine in a decent restaurant. Oh dear.

My first hint that this was going to be a weekend of carnage was discussing the hen do with my friend (lets call her Sally). Sally HAS been to Benalmadena before, and told me all about the Geordie welder she had pulled in some dirty English all night bar. Lovely. I explained to her that I would be getting up to no such hi jinks, and she just laughed at me. Hmmmm. Sally is everything I am not when it comes to going on holiday - she likes lying in the sun all day, and big fruity drinks with umbrellas, and Geordie welders. If she had a brilliant time over there, chances are, I won't. BUT, I put on a brave face and, determined to enjoy myself, I told myself to go with the flow.

And flow I did.

We started off with the inevitable drinking games, downing shots of honey rum after quizzing the bride about her future husband (the bride by the way, is cousin to one of my best friends. Lets call her Sharon). Sharon was already legless fairly early on in the day, so the night deteriorated rapidly.

Much of it is a blur for me. When I woke the next morning, my eyes stinging from the endless smoke, my mouth feeling like something had died in it, and my feet throbbing, I turned to my best friend (we'll call her Kelly), and asked her what the hell I got up to.

"What didn't you get up to!" She laughed at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly concerned. The last thing I remember was going into a bar called Linekar's (later, I was informed that Linekar's is the bar of choice all over Europe for the rowdiest of rowdy stag and hen do's).

"Well, where to start. First, you downed a pint just of vodka red bull cocktail through a yard long straw..."

Ok, so that explains the banging headache.

"Then, you demanded a microphone from the DJ, and sang along to Waterloo..."

Oh dear god. I always did love a bit of karaoke - in the privacy of my own home. What was I thinking?

"And then at the end of the night, I had to drag you off some poor lad that you were snogging in a dark corner."

Oh no. "Don't tell me...was he from Newcastle?"

"Nah. He was a Brummie welder!"

Sally was so proud.

Not about Swine Flu. Well, a bit.

2009-04-30T09:58:00.004+01:00

Not sure if everyone is the same as me, but I am sick to death of hearing about Swine Flu. Sick.

Look at the statistics here. On the BBC News at 10 last night, it said there is a chance that 50,000 people could die of Swine Flu in the UK. Bearing in mind that there are 61million people currently living in the UK, thats about a 0.01% chance of me or anyone I know catching it (unless I'm stupid enough to fly to Mexico and spend a couple of days licking people's faces or whatever). Bear in mind that around 200,000 people die of NORMAL flu every year in the UK.

So let me say that again - 0.01% chance of catching, and dying from Swine Flu. Lets have a look at some other stats - 0.04% chance of being killed or injured in a road traffic accident (around 247,000 reported accidents in 2007). Heart disease accounts for around 18% of all deaths in the UK per annum. Yup, that McBurger will kill you more effectively than Swine Flu.

I'm not being flippant. I understand the need for precaution. But, as usual, I cannot help but notice that the sensationalist attitude of the media, both here and in the US are contributing to the panic.

So, while we are on the subject of the news - looking at the 10 most popular stories being read on the BBC website at the moment - ignoring the six about Swine Flu...

Noorul booted off The Apprentice. Good riddence to bad rubbish, I dont care what he's said about editing or whatever, he was hopeless. Philip to win!
Sean Penn and Robin Wright file for divorce. Again. "Rodents of unusual size? I don't think they exist". Sorry, any excuse to get a random Princess Bride reference in there.
Huge gaping hole appears in Manchester road. And here's me thinking that Manchester was the biggest hole in the North already.
"Oddball" planet seen revolving in elliptical orbit around a distant star. No, I don't know what this means either, but it looks pretty.

I love reading the news. I love reading about the mental stuff that us humans get up to, like the boy who painted a 60ft penis on the roof of his parents house, or the woman who has just been served an ASBO for having noisy sex in her own home. Brilliant.

xxx

Lulu

In the beginning...

2009-04-29T20:37:00.000+01:00

I imagine that many begin their first ever blog with some zany witty comments about how crazy and totally MAD they are, in the hope that this will gain them followers, and therefore the attention that they crave.

I'm not a crazy fun chic. I'm in it for the money.

Kidding. However, I love the idea of an open forum where I can share my thoughts with random strangers on whatever topic I wish. Of course, I've kept a diary for years, but that is a private kind of enjoyment - this way, I potentially get to have my ego massaged by everyone telling me that my blog is brilliant. Go on. Please. Or at least, click through an Ad.

xxx

P.S - I live next door to a large student household. They sing. All the time. Often to Leona Lewis. So if this is the only post you see from me, it is likely because I have been locked up for putting fireworks through their letterbox, or a brick through the window etc etc.

Actually, that's not a bad idea - anyone got any good ideas for revenge? Everyone hates noisy, omelet burning, football kicking, Ugg-boot-and-jogging-bottom-wearing students right? Help me out here guys. Please.